The Host – by Ian

‘C’mon bruv I’m starving. What you doing in there?’

‘I’m ready.’

‘It’s good to see you after so long. Give me a hug man.’

‘Is it alright if we just leave?’

‘Look can you do me a favour? I need to go to the khazi.’

‘What? Really Jack?’

‘Yeah, get me a double cheeseburger and strawberry shake. I’ll see you in a minute.’


‘That must have been one hell of a dump. How long you in there?’

‘Eh, yeah. I guess. Here’s the money. I’m hungry.’

‘The burger’s probably cold bruv, can’t believe you were in there so long.’

‘I’ll take it back, say it was like this when it came.’

‘Not sure they’re gonna buy that. All the luck to you.’


‘Could you look after my shake? I’ve gotta go to the bog again.’

‘What? Who do you think is going to nick it?’

‘Just do it, will ya?. I need to go.’

‘Okay, wake me when you’re finished.’

Wash your hands, wash your hands

Don’t wanna be the host

Wash your hands, wash your hands

Don’t wanna become toast

Wash your hands, wash your hands

if you don’t you’re gone

Wash your hands, wash your hands

This isn’t just for fun


‘What the fuck are you doing?’

‘What? Why are you in here?’

‘I thought you’d died or sommat bruv. you’d been gone so long.’

“I’m just washing my hands. You shouldn’t be in here.’

‘Why the fuck not? It’s a toilet in a burger place. Tell me, what’s going on?’


‘You gonna drink that shake?’

‘I guess.’

‘Well if you’re gonna take so long why don’t you tell me what all that singing was about.’

‘It’s so I don’t catch it.’


‘The virus. My mother told me it’s the only way’

‘What? That’s a kid’s nursery rhyme, like Ring-a-ring-a-roses. They taught us about it at school. They used to teach kids to sing it when the virus was around 80 years ago so they didn’t forget to wash their hands. It’s just another rhyme now. What are you going on about?’

‘No, it’s still among us, that’s why mum taught me the song.’

‘So, kids still sing Ring a roses, does that mean the plague is still amongst us.’

‘I don’t want to die.’

‘Shit. You’ve lost it bruv.’


‘Have you finished?’


‘Shall we go?’

‘Gotta go to the bog.’


‘I told you.’

‘Fuck man. Go on then. What you waiting for?’

‘What’s that?’


‘That black hood.’

‘What you pointing at? The muslim women?’

‘What? The black hood, that person in the hood?’

‘Look I know we don’t have many muslims living round here but it is just a woman.’

‘No, the third verse.’

‘Of what?’

‘The song, you fucking idiot. My mum also taught me the third verse but told me not to sing it.’

‘There’s no shitting third verse. I’ve just about had enough of…’

‘Look, listen.

Wash your hands, wash your hands

The hood hides the mark

Wash your hands, wash your hands

Kill the hoods, make it dark

‘This is bullshit.’

‘No, they wear the hoods to hide the sign on their necks that show they’ve had it and can spread it with immunity.’

‘Man, it’s a person going about their business. Where you going? No, where are you going?’

‘Leave me, I have to protect. The sign is there. She must die.’

‘No, don’t. Please….’

One Reply to “The Host – by Ian”

  1. Even though the subject matter was …….

    I read it as a insight piece of todays… anxieties, ..and thought it was very good.

    without the hood bit

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